Sometimes in life you find yourself feeling bogged down like you just can’t move forward. When this is the case, instead of making small changes here and there, you may decide to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. And that was the case for me when I decided recently to take a few weeks off to move from Maui back to the mainland.
While it hasn’t been an easy transition, it’s certainly been rewarding and for the first time in many years, I’m really excited about what I’m learning each day, about myself as well as my new home. In fact, rather than simply fulfilling my goal of making this move, I find that this is just the beginning of a whole new phase in my life!
What I’d like to share with you today is a few of the timeless truisms about change that I have been reminded of over the past few weeks.
Sometimes you just know … it’s time to start something new and trust in the magic of beginnings.
12. YOU ARE THE DRIVER
A guide, particularly someone who has no preconceived idea about what you ‘should’ do, can be invaluable, but in the end, it is up to you to make the choices and determine your direction.
Yes, there will be obstacles and detours, and things (and people) you have no control over, but you always, ALWAYS, have control over your choices. This power you have over the direction you choose to take your life can be frightening at times, but fully embracing it can also be incredibly liberating.
11. BE REALLY CLEAR ABOUT YOUR WHY
Sometimes the reason we long for change is obvious, and other times it’s little more than an itch that simply won’t go away. No matter how persistent that itch may be, it’s worth taking the time to become really clear about your reason for undertaking a change because your “why” will serve as your anchor when you hit a bumpy patch, and you will, that’s guaranteed.
10. NOT EVERYONE WILL BE A FAN
Not everyone will support your efforts to change, in fact, some will hate it. Maybe they feel threatened or just plain jealous because they’ve never had the courage to improve their own life. And to be honest, some people are just jerks and there’s nothing you can do about it, so don’t try. The good news is there are many more wonderful people in the world, so hang on to the good ones really tight and let go of the rest.
9. THIS IS ABOUT YOUR LIFE
No matter what the change you are undertaking, there is bound to be someone who will either boast about the ease of their own successful transformation or who unloads horror stories about all that can go wrong. Some will wonder why you’re not making faster progress while others will accuse you of moving too quickly, all of which can make you begin second guessing yourself. This is about your life, not someone else’s, so make the journey in your own way and time.
8. EMBRACE THE ROLE OF BEGINNER
One of the best gifts you can give yourself as you undertake your journey of change is to embrace the role of a beginner. We all like to feel like we know what we’re doing, but regardless of the nature of your change, it is likely you will doing a lot of things for the first time, so there will be surprises, mistakes, and a few detours.
I like to approach change as an experiment. I expect the best, plan for the worst and if I hit a snag I simply take a step back, evaluate what I’ve learned up to that point and make adjustments. It eliminates so much stress if you can think of your change as a process rather than a win or lose proposition.
7. DON’T WAIT TO FILL THE GAPS
It’s not uncommon to undertake a life change to eliminate something, but unless you want to end up right back where you started, you can’t just remove something you have to also plan to fill that gap with something better. The most common analogy would be changing your diet. Eliminating junk food is just the start; you also have to plan to fill that void with healthy food.
So maybe it won’t work out. But maybe seeing if it does will turn out to be the best adventure ever!
6. SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST
You can’t always know if what you’re doing is right. You can look for answers but life rarely comes with guarantees. The truth is we’re all just winging it most of the time anyway, so at the very least, it should be comforting to know that if you feel clueless from time to time, you’re far from alone.
5. BUT IF YOU MESS UP, IT’S UP TO YOU TO FIX IT
If you make a mistake, it’s up to you to fix it. As long as you’re willing to embrace the consequences of your choices and actions (including those that affect other people), then it’s well within your ability to make things right.
4. LIGHTEN UP AND ENJOY THE SCENERY
Changing your life is a big deal, so it can be tempting to micromanage the process in an effort to hurry things along, only to end up frustrated when plans aren’t going precisely as you had intended. If you can lighten up a little and enjoy the scenery along the way, you may discover opportunities will surface that you could never have predicted … opportunities that may even take you in new and surprising directions.
3. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Believe it or not, the world will not end if you do. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s an act of survival, and it should be a priority when you’re undergoing a life transition. At the very least, eating healthy and getting enough rest will help you to think clearer and keep your energy up.
2. LIFE DOESN’T GET EASIER, YOU GET TOUGHER
People will disappoint you, you won’t always get what you want, and at some point in your life, you will have to stand outside in the pouring rain without an umbrella. Life isn’t always easy, but the more resilient you are the quicker your recovery time, and the more you appreciate the good things.
1. CHANGE NEVER STOPS
Change is a continual process, sometimes fast and other times painfully slow. There is no single destination, but rather a winding path with many adventures along the way. Every single day we have the choice to cling to who we are or embrace change and become the person we are meant to be.
Your Turn: Have you ever undertaken a major change in your life and discovered what you thought would be your destination turned out to just be the beginning?
Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.
About Marquita Herald
Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.
She’s saddened and frustrated by excuses and cruelty and believes authentic compassion is the most powerful force in the world.
To learn more about Marquita and the mission of Emotionally Resilient Living click “here“.
Twitter: SMITdebtb
says:
I, too have had many changes in my life. I used to pray for adversity to leave me. But, as I got older and wiser, I started to see that adversity was “opportunity” to learn and grow.
Now, I take my time, observe what’s going on, then look at my options. Each time I pray to learn from the experience, not wish it away!
Change needn’t be scary. It’s a natural part of life. Look at it as an opportunity to grow, add to your character, make you a more useful Universal tool for good.
Excellent post, Marquita! I shared it and hope others benefit from it too.
Deborah
Deborah A. Ten Brink recently posted…I Have Seen This Place… Poetry Written From Writing Prompt. [Poetry]
Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know you found value in the article Deborah! It really is such an empowering feeling to be able to stop and face down our fears, knowing that no matter what happens, we will be okay!
Twitter: EarthMoonDesign
says:
People seem to react to big changes like a big move. I just finished telling a friend I didn’t love the new couch but I loved my old one, hubby wanted this one. It was time for me to make & accept the change. I never watched tv until I married him & now nightly we sit & watch shows together. So many subtle ways we need to accept change. I notice I’ve gotten good at it.
Twitter: JoyceHansen
says:
Change seems to be the biggest obstacle in life. No one want’s to change but they will eagerly complain how unhappy they are in their life. Thanks for sharing a no-excuses guide for getting through change.
Twitter: coach2coachguy
says:
Welcome back M!
And what can I possibly say further, regarding your excellent, twelve truisms!Each one has me nodding my head in total agreement!LOL!
However, #’s 1,2 & 9-12, totally speak volumes for me!
But I also really love the fact, # 12 stresses, ultimately, we are the true drivers of our fates!
Because we have to own our existence, or we tend to wanna pass the buck!And not own up to our personal responsibilities!
Thanks M!I can always count on your thoughts, (truisms) to give me that much needed reality check, so I can start making the proper adjustments!
Mark recently posted…If Your Site Gets Hacked Entrepreneur You Better Know Who To Call!
I could say the same to you, my friend. So glad to see your website back and I’m heading over there to read your post about what happened. Thanks for stopping by and, as always, I appreciate your support and kind words Mark!
Twitter: SummerPrice16
says:
I LOVED this, truisms indeed! I liked that you are able to see all of these, address them and keep moving, not letting them stop you on your journey. We often let the little things derail us and stop us in our tracks. Change can be scary but is needed for our growth. Thank you for sharing.
Ah, the little things, like a pebble in the shoe or a mosquito in the middle of the night. You are so right now they can throw us off balance. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Summer.
Twitter: ikechiawazie
says:
Hi Marquita
What an awesome article. You know I love the points you shared especially where you said we should embrace the role of a beginner. You are so right. and these points are nuggets of wisdom that will help anyone making a big change in his life.
Thanks for sharing. Take Care
Thank you for your kind words Ikechi and especially for taking the time to contribute to the conversation. 🙂
Twitter: kimdalferes
says:
“NOT EVERYONE WILL BE A FAN.” Every change I’ve ever undertaken has ALWAYS had its naysayers.Off the college, changes in jobs and careers, moves to a new town – all met with doubts from those who told me I couldn’t/shouldn’t do it. Well, I once read that Katherine Hepburn’s favorite quote was “Never complain, never explain.” This fits my realization that I don’t need to “explain” my life choices to anyone.
Kimba recently posted…The View from the Sidelines Is A Changin
Great saying and philosophy Kimba, and one I definitely agree with. 🙂
Twitter: goldenbeverley
says:
Welcome back, Marquita and congratulations on your big move! I love all of these points and like to believe I have embraced most of them during the huge changes in my own life. The two that really spoke to me, (as things I would be wise to practice), are #8, “Embrace the role of beginner” and #4, “Lighten up and enjoy the scenery.” Just the fact that I chose those two, probably says a lot about me. 🙂 I love flying as fast as I can to the finish line and want to ‘know what I need to know’ in as little time as possible too. I’m practicing both of these ongoing in my life. In the context of your list of 12, they really became clearer to me. Thanks for such a fabulous post! Enjoy your new home…onward.
Beverley Golden recently posted…Rediscovering Our Humanity Through Nature
So glad you found value in the post and list Beverley! I can certainly relate to your comment about “flying to the finish line” because I tend to get impatient with long-term project – I too am working on that one. 🙂
Twitter: terryjago
says:
BUT IF YOU MESS UP, IT’S UP TO YOU TO FIX IT
That is my take home message today. Changes can be hard but not permanent.. Thanks for some good basics in change.
You are so welcome Terry, and thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts with us. 🙂
Twitter: InspiredByMyMom
says:
“Sometimes you just know … it’s time to start something new and trust in the magic of beginnings.”
I am in the process of defining & embarking on my next new beginning and your “truisms” are very thought provoking.
Thank you!
Good for you – looking forward to reading about your new adventure! 🙂
Twitter: composthero
says:
Marquita, you had me at hello! Your first point, (12th, really) “YOU ARE THE DRIVER” is so where I’m at these days. I saw a great sign, “I’m not bossy. I’m the boss.” That’s me these days! xo
Oh, I like that one Reba! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Twitter: karmically
says:
Cheers to your new beginnings, Marquita.
The only thing constant in life is change. What I’ve observed about my supposed changes and decisions is that they have never been the destination, but the beginning of an entirely new adventure which I would never have experienced had I not wanted change to begin with.
Vatsala Shukla recently posted…Procrastination is an equal opportunity habit
Well said Vatsala and thank you for your good wishes. 🙂
Twitter: klagowski
says:
Good for you to make a decision and stand by it. Making change is very healthy but can be challenging. I think it’s important to shake things up once in a while, and then ride the wave!
Krystyna Lagowski recently posted…Don’t let the adorable façade of the 2016 MINI Cooper convertible fool you.
Twitter: donna_tribe
says:
Hi Marquita,
Welcome back to the mainland. Wow..it is a big change for you but I know you and you will enjoy the process no matter how stressful moving can be.
If there is one thing we can all count on it is change. It comes down of how we deal with it. When change comes we do need a plan to “fill in those gaps” so we don’t stagnate.
And yes, some will like us, some won’t but as long as we like ourselves and the changes we make…life is good!
-Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted…10 Top Sources Of Blog Traffic That You Are Not Using
Thanks for stopping by and especially for sharing your thoughts, and this post, much appreciated. 🙂
Twitter: sush_t27
says:
We all agree progress is impossible without change. Change is constant in our lives it may come forcefully or we may ourselves opt to bring change in our lives. I liked your post if anyone is looking forward to bring change I would definitely share with them your post to help them.
Sushmita recently posted…The door that opens opportunities!
Glad you enjoyed the post Sushmita and for taking the time to share your thoughts, always appreciated. 🙂
Twitter: DaveCenker
says:
There is such an authentic voice through your words, Marty. Every single one of these truisms about change has helped me to see possibilities in a realistic, yet very hopeful light.
I actually remember embarking on a change similar to yours when I was younger. I grew up in the northeastern US. Lived there, went to school there, even worked there after graduating from college. Then came the opportunity (or itch) to make a change. That’s when I moved to Florida.
I knew no one in Florida. I would be moving over 1000 miles away from my family and everyone I’ve ever known. It was the epitome of a clean slate. I was terrified and exhilarated in the same breath. Three days after I arrived in the “Sunshine State”, Hurricane Erin passed directly over my town. I had never even thought about our considered hurricanes. Great, I thought. What a wonderfully naïve decision I had made.
20+ years later, I still miss some aspects of the life I lived up north – especially the fall season and the first snowfall. But, when I look at everything I would have missed had I not taken that plunge, and scratched that itch, I couldn’t have been happier that I made the decision to do so.
Thanks for such a wonderfully amazing look at change, Marty, from a person who is living so very true to her words!
Thank you for your kind words Dave, I’m so glad the post resonated with you. The funny thing about this move is the surprise reaction from so many people when in fact this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. Many years ago we made a much riskier move from the mainland to Maui, now that really did feel like moving to a foreign country. I think the fact that I spent so many years traveling the world made this second move easier because I learned, as you have, that there are many good things and people everywhere we go if we’re open to seeing and experiencing them. 🙂
Twitter: TuhinDeshamukhy
says:
Lovely article, Marquita!
Changes should be welcomed with an open mind. I made a change 3 years back and I am glad about the results. The change was to start loving my inner self and start to move away from negative forces. This was the reason I started my blog.
Now I wish to spread this message far and wide.
Tuhin recently posted…Are You Ruining Your Own Happiness?
Good for you Tuhin. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and contribute to the conversation. 🙂
Twitter: WRusho
says:
Every couple years, I change my life in some aspect. A different job, a new hobby etc. We need variety, and change.
If we stay in the same place, it is a treadmill. The scenery never changes. I like the excitement of change and new opportunities, even though it might be scary. It is better to ride a roller coaster than it is the merry-go-round.
Oh I love that William – “better a roller coaster than a merry-go-round”! I also appreciate the opportunities that come with change and have found that about every 10 years I reinvent myself – no clue where that came from but it’s made for some pretty interesting experiences over the years. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Gosh Marquita, this post succeeded in making me want to make a move. I spent my life being very transient until I moved to Los Angeles. I just realized that I’ve lived here way longer than anywhere else! A move isn’t in the cards for me right now, but it is great that you were able to just take that leap. And I can definitely take “journeys” in other ways.
Erica recently posted…A Healthy Cleanse: The Benefits, The Protocol & Super Secret Tips!
You are so right Erica, there are endless ways we can introduce meaningful change into our lives and they don’t always have to result in physical transitions. 🙂
Twitter: rachellavern
says:
I like change and new beginnings. They always make me feel hopeful and renewed, even if they are a little scary or make me nervous. I see change as the pathway to opportunity. You never know what they may lead to.
Rachel Lavern recently posted…55 Airtight Alibis for Underachievers
Well said Rachel! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts – always appreciated. 🙂
Twitter: RoseMGriffith
says:
My husband is thinking of making some big changes, so I’ll be sharing this with him.
I’ve made lots of big changes throughout my life, most of them on purpose. 🙂
What I have found that is the biggest result of these things I’ve done is the fact that I have friends all over the place. As I continue to work from home, knowing these folks helps keep my world big.
Bravo on your BIG change!
Thanks RoseMary, and you’ve made a great point about the importance of valuing the friends we make along the way. I’ve reconnected with people who used to be my closest friends prior to moving to the Islands and it’s like we’ve never been apart! 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
Twitter: stellachiu97
says:
Hi, Marquita
Who is more qualify to talk about transition than you who just did the big relocation.
i agree with you that we can’t bring old “stuff’ into the new site or phase. Of course, we don’t know what in front of us, but with the altitude ” But if you mess up, it is up to you to fix it.” nothing will be so impossible for us.
Hope your move will be all in your favor!
With Love
Stella Chiu
Stella Chiu recently posted…How to Overcome the Healing Plateau
Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to let me know you found value in the article Stella. 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
Twitter: donnajanke
says:
Great list of truisms. Being clear about your why can be tough sometimes. We may need to take some time and be introspective to understand. I love the line trust in the magic of new beginnings.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts Donna – always appreciated. 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
Twitter: Smqorg
says:
Within the new change, we become alert to the new experience. This results in an awakening of areas in ourselves to prepare for that new experience and, as a result, we learn a great deal from the change. It looks like you learned a great deal from your experience.
Also, not only do we have control over choices, we also have control over the emotions in relationship to thoses new experiences.
Thanks for sharing! We all need a reminder that change is good for us.
Sabrina Quairoli recently posted…Tips To Help Your Parents With Legal Documents
Glad you found the article worthwhile Sabrina! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and contributing to the conversation. 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
I love this – It’s like a 12-day mini-course.
I plan to focus on one section every day and use that to effect faster changes in my life.
I have too many major changes in my life to list here: divorce, changing jobs, becoming an entrepreneur, moving to Ireland, to name just the biggest.
I don’t embrace change for its own sake, rather I avoid it if I can, but sometimes you just have to grab the bull by the horns and twist.
Philip Turner recently posted…How Important Are Real-World Contacts?
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article Philip! It does sound like you are in a major period of transition. Most people tend to think of “self-care” (I hate that term) for women, but it’s just as important for men, so please do take good care of yourself through this time of major change so that you can truly enjoy the journey. Thanks so much for taking the time to contribute to the conversation. 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
Twitter: PhoeniciaO
says:
Another great article Marquita!
Change is good as it brings newness into your life. Nothing stays the same although life may appear mundane you are moving forward.
My major change was moving away from friends and family after I got married. We live around an hour away everyone. I found this daunting at first and struggled when on maternity leave as I barely knew anyone and my husband was out at work all day. Fast forward eight years and I am far more settled. I meet up with some of the mother’s at my daughter’s school and involved in some school activities.
I have this idea in my mind that someday we will move abroad – somewhere warm……………
Phoenicia recently posted…Just how flexible are you?
It takes time, as it should, but you are right about the new friends and experiences when relocating. I’ve found the people in my new home to be every bit as friendly as those I left behind in Maui. Thinking of living abroad? Now that would be exciting! I almost moved to Australia many years ago, and there have been times I’ve toyed with Canada. Who knows what the future will bring, huh? 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
Twitter: kdowell
says:
YOur truisms about change all make sense. But it seems like it has to be tough to leave Maui.
Ken Dowell recently posted…Summer in the City, Quebec
Not as tough as you might imagine Ken. I’ve lived there most of my life and the Island today is very different than the one that attracted us there so many years ago. It’s still a wonderful place to visit and vacation, but I have to admit that I don’t miss it. Thanks for stopping by!
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
Twitter: leadingedgeadv
says:
Not everyone will be a fan really resonates with me. I’ve noticed when you’re trying to make changes you can be hesitant about it when everyone else isn’t on board. But you just have to focus on what you’re trying to accomplish.
Great reminders Marquita.
~Lea
Yes, that point is one I have experience with myself, but you’re response is spot on Lea. Thanks for sharing and contributing to the conversation. 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life
Twitter: MarketingKM
says:
Hi Marquita,
I like your article on ” changing -life” for myself, but I think even more for my grown-up son. As I was
doing this he told me he is starting something new -Massage therapy school. So I sent him your article.
Strange how that worked out!
Glad you found the article helpful Kathryn, and I hope your son felt the same way. 🙂
Marquita Herald recently posted…12 Timeless Truisms on Changing Your Life