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For a lucky few, there will come a moment in their lives when they suddenly GET IT and the voice inside their head cries out “ENOUGH!” They finally realize they’ve been holding back, that the barriers to achieving their dreams have been within them all along and they feel compelled to do something, anything, to break free.
Occasionally this single act of defiance can lead to a turning point that changes a life forever. The bored financial advisor who accepts a volunteer opportunity that leads to an exciting new career running a major non-profit; the insurance salesman struggling to find meaning in his life decides to finally write that book that’s been rattling around in the back of his mind for years and ends up becoming a bestselling author (Hint: Who wrote Hunt for Red October?), or the cash-strapped divorcee who decides to take a break from her worries by accepting an invitation to go on a fishing trip with a supportive friend, discovers that she loves the ocean and ends up running a highly successful online business selling women-friendly wetsuits.
When you are standing at a crossroads in your life, realize that the greatest block that you can put in front of your Self is the idea that there is one “right” choice. ~Story Waters
Confronting Our Barriers
If the research is to be believed, it is entirely possible for anyone to significantly alter the circumstances of their life IF they truly believe in their ability to do so and are willing to fully commit to the effort.
So if that’s true, then why don’t more people actually do it?
To be fair, many people do make the effort to build on dreams, create plans and take the first steps.
More often than we realize (or are willing to admit), the problem isn’t in the starting, it’s continuing when things get tough, when the critics and naysayers come calling, and especially, when the doubts begin to settle in.
It usually goes something like this …
We muster the courage to pursue a dream that has the potential to significantly change our life for the better, but as we begin the practical work to make that vision a reality, we come down with a case of creeping doubts.
Maybe it begins with a significant other or a well-meaning friend asking whether or not this goal of ours is “realistic,” or we find ourselves focusing less on the potential outcome and more on the obstacles (either real or imagined) that we’re likely to face, not to mention the time and effort that will probably be required. The next thing we know the gap between here and there suddenly begins to look a whole lot wider than when we started.
The doubts continue to accumulate and before long we begin thinking that maybe we just aren’t ready yet and need to do more, learn more or somehow be more before we continue.
After all, for now, we’re “fine” (oh how I hate that word!) and we wouldn’t want to risk failure by doing something before we are really ready, right?
So we continue delaying, over thinking, waiting for the right moment and eventually adding it to the perpetual New Year’s Resolution list for a “fresh” start. And so it goes, for months, years … a lifetime.
A Story of Self-Sabotage
If this scenario has made you uncomfortable, good! This new weekly series is all about embracing discomfort to push you out of your self-imposed exile behind the walls of your comfort zone.
Make no mistake about it; our barriers don’t just go away. The only way to move forward is to break through them and you can’t do that by being wimpy, you have to muster the courage to go places you’ve never been before.
The first challenge, and for some the biggest, will be to identify your walls. You see, our self-imposed barriers aren’t always easily identified because they often manifest themselves in ways that appear to have nothing to do with the real issue.
Self-sabotage is a classic response when we bounce up against a barrier. Today, I’d like to share Marie Forleo’s experience with self-sabotage with you.
Marie has helped so many people and achieved a level of success impressive by any standards, which makes her story all the more relevant because it illustrates that anyone can be blindsided by this stumbling block.
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The book Marie mentioned is The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (affiliate link) and I highly recommend it for anyone ready to break free of their barriers.
Gay’s book (which I’ve read more than once!) helped me to identify times I’ve bumped up against my own upper limits. The funny thing is, once you know what to look for, it becomes so obvious!
You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully ~Anthony Robbins
Moving forward …
I want to keep in mind that there is nothing magical or special that happens to people who have chosen to break free. It’s just that at some point, they chose to commit to doing the work. They chose to risk and take action. And most importantly, they chose to be true to themselves.
Today, someone will break through the barriers of fear and limiting beliefs.
WHY NOT YOU?
About Marquita Herald
Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.
She’s saddened and frustrated by excuses and cruelty and believes authentic compassion is the most powerful force in the world.
To learn more about Marquita and the mission of Emotionally Resilient Living click “here“.
Twitter: ikechiawazie
says:
Hi Marquita
Sometimes one goes through some challenges and realizes that life can’t go like this. You are so right that we can break barriers in my life
I do remember when I started my blog and the doubts that I had that no one would listen to what I had to offer. This lead to a year of searching and analysis paralysis till I had to break this barrier.
There are so much barriers to break. Thanks for an awesome post.
ikechi recently posted…4 Crazy Things You don’t Know When You Waste Your Life
Good point Ikechi, it is so easy to get stuck in “analysis paralysis” and I think that’s a place we all go from time to time. So glad you were able to push through your own barriers. And you are right, there will always be new barriers to break because that’s what grow is all about. 🙂
Twitter: lydiajbrown
says:
Hi Marquita, I am at the point that I need to learn some new things and it requires me doing things that I am shy to do. Funny thing is when I do these things which is to speak in public or on a video I get so many praises regardless of any errors they like my message. Once I stop it is so hard to get going again. So this week that is my challenge to get as many videos done as I can and really bold hope to do a FB live video. I truly know how fear has held me back from making my dreams come true. So off I go. Thanks
Lydia Brown recently posted…Why as a Parent you Need to Know the Street Name of Drugs Now
I’m so proud of you Lydia! You’ve recognized and are facing up to your fear and pushing through that barrier! One thing I am constantly reminding people is that fear will always be with us in one way or another, but when you have the courage to face it then you take away it’s power over you. Thank you so much for sharing, and I hope you’ll consider submitting your story to our Breaking Barriers Countdown Challenge. 🙂
Twitter: JoyceHansen
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I felt that i had accomplished so much this year already. Are they break through barriers – yes for a some. Now you challenging me for the last 100 days! I can think of one that I can undertake. So here goes, Marquita.
Joyce Hansen recently posted…Security Messages Your Brain Ignores
Ha! Good for you Joyce and I can hardly wait to hear all about it. 🙂
Twitter: teresa_salhi
says:
Your message speaks into the heart of many and with great wisdom. We have have moments that we really do need to surrender to and allow in our divine greatness.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post Teresa!
Twitter: coach2coachguy
says:
What a truly awesome and enlightening post M!
And I imagine, as much as any of us hate to have to admit it, there are just those inevitable times, when like or not, our self imposed walls, have definitely gotten the better of us!
At least temporarily! And that video by Marie was fantastic BTW!
I’m going to use it as well, in a future post!Thanks!
You’ve really helped me to get a lot more in the proper perspective going forward!
Mark recently posted…Email Marketing: Makes Even More Sense When The Recession Hits!
Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed the post Mark. I really Marie’s Q&A Tuesdays – the videos are just long enough and always include great insights.
Twitter: stretchadime
says:
Hi Marquita,
This is my first visit to your blog. I found it very encouraging. I try to get out of my comfort zone everyday.
–Michael
Welcome Michael! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to share – always appreciated. 🙂
Twitter: dreamtripscda
says:
Great post. Thank you. It reaching home for me. Refusing to give up when all around says it is over. The mind and the drive to break free in the inside of all off. Fear is the only thing that hold a lot of people back from going forward. If one can conquer that fear one can conquer everything else that may arise in the process of breaking free. Know when to say enough is enough, time for a change. The only change is the change within.
Well said Amaka! Thanks for stopping by, and especially for letting me know you enjoyed the article. Always appreciated. 🙂
Twitter: karmically
says:
Our decision to break free and follow the beat of our own drummer creates enough barriers with friends and colleagues projecting their fears on us, Marquita. This means we need to ace handling our own fears and let the adrenalin push us forward, not create barriers to our own success. A thought provoking post, thank you!
Vatsala Shukla recently posted…Want that promotion? Better raise your Executive Presence
True Vatsala, there will always be people to point out the challenges someone will face when trying to better themselves. This is just one reason I am such a big believer in developing self-motivation skills – external support is wonderful, but the fact of life is it isn’t always going to be there when you need it, and for better or worse, there will be people with a vested interest in keeping you right where you are. Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the conversation!
Twitter: composthero
says:
I love this post, Marquita. I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about self-sabotage lately. Thanks for offering tools and tips for moving past our ‘upper limits.’
Reba Linker recently posted…What’s Right for YOU?
Thank you for your kind words Reba, I’m so glad you found value in the article. 🙂
Twitter: suziecheel
says:
I love your quote on your image. It spoke right to my heart.I love the big leap and thanks for sharing Marie’s video hit home for me as I have had a self sabotage few days this week. Amazing to read this after I have just taken my big dream off the shelf and put it at my forefront thanks xx
Suzie Cheel recently posted…It’s Time to Take The Big Vision Off The Shelf
So the post came at a good time for you Suzie, and I really enjoyed reading about your big vision on your blog. 🙂
Twitter: katsturtz
says:
Lots to think about when it comes to breaking barriers. I often refer to those contributing to self-sabotage as hidden elephants. We all have them. How much they impede us is always a “depends”.
Kat Sturtz recently posted…Courage is facing being scared to death…then doing this.
Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the conversation Kat. 🙂
Twitter: JulieGorges
says:
An enlightening article. When I was starting out as a writer, I hit so many of the barriers you discuss. In particular, others asking if my dreams were realistic. I had my moments of doubts and considered giving up on more than occasion. I remember taking writing classes, reading books on writing, and going to writing conferences endlessly. Basically, putting off writing a book out of fear of rejection. Another writer finally asked what I was waiting for – self-sabotage as you say. But I am so glad I hung in there. I went much further than I ever dreamed with my writing career including writing a book published by McGraw Hill, being published in hundreds of national and regional magazines, winning three journalism awards, and now blogging. I encourage everyone who reads your inspiring words to take them to heart and practice them in your life. To take your Countdown Challenge and break free of those barriers. Who knows where it will take you?
Julie Gorges recently posted…Five Ways to Keep Positive While You’re Sick
Welcome back Julie and thank you so much for sharing your story, especially how you didn’t give up and managed to push through your limiting beliefs. Truly inspiring. 🙂
Good post. Yes, I’m still dealing with the barriers. Will get there one day.