As human beings, we make assumptions all the time. Most are made as a kind of “if this, then that” response to events or the behavior of others.
We like to assure ourselves that these assumptions are based on years of experience and rational analysis.
The truth is that by the time we reach adulthood most of us are so filled with preconceived notions, stereotypes, and filters about the way we believe the world is supposed to be, we aren’t even consciously aware of them.
Yet we rely on these assumptions to make some of our most important decisions, particularly when it comes to relationships.
It creates a domino effect.
If someone looks or behaves a certain way that fits with one of our beliefs it triggers an assumption that we know what to expect from this person.
But if they fail to behave the way we anticipate, we’re thrown off balance and immediately seek to blame them for not fulfilling their part of the story.
Anything rather than question our faulty assumptions.
Chances are that you’ve been on the receiving end of someone else’s faulty assumptions. Maybe you’ve even made faulty assumptions about yourself and what you are capable of doing, having, or becoming in life.
As unpleasant as it can be, tapping into that feeling can help us to empathize with others and maybe serve as a starting point to redefine some of our assumptions.
We all make assumptions about things in life, but those assumptions are often based on flawed preconceived notions rather than truth. We must never trust what we assume only what we know.
Redefining Our Assumptions
Just because they didn’t react, doesn’t mean they didn’t notice.
Just because you don’t talk anymore, doesn’t mean they don’t think about you.
Just because you see potential in someone, doesn’t mean they are willing to make the effort.
Just because something ends, doesn’t mean it never should have been.
Just because he doesn’t love you the way you want, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with all he is capable of giving.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Just because it’s taking you a little longer, doesn’t mean you won’t make it, or that you have failed.
Just because you know you love her, doesn’t mean she wouldn’t like to hear you say the words once in a while.
Just because their past wasn’t perfect, doesn’t mean their future can’t be amazing.
Just because they are strong enough to handle the pain, doesn’t mean they deserve it.
Just because you’ve never done it before, doesn’t mean you can’t (or shouldn’t) do it now.
Just because they were nice to you, doesn’t mean they like you, or that they are inviting you into their life. It just means they aren’t rude
Just because something doesn’t turn out the way you planned, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth the effort.
Just because their path is different than yours, doesn’t mean they are lost
Just because the relationship ended, doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving each other.
Just because they are quiet, doesn’t mean they have nothing to say.
Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean you should automatically reject it.
Just because no one else can see your dream but you, doesn’t mean it’s not worth pursuing.
Just because it isn’t what you were expecting, doesn’t mean it isn’t exactly what you need.
Just because they are happy, doesn’t mean everything is perfect, just that they choose to look beyond life’s imperfections.
Just because you didn’t get the credit you deserved, doesn’t mean you should stop doing your best.
Just because you’ve always done something, doesn’t mean you always have to.
Just because they choose to make their health and wellbeing a priority, doesn’t make them selfish.
Just because we are related by blood, doesn’t make us family.
Just because they are sensitive, doesn’t mean they are not strong.
Just because they say they love you, doesn’t give them a license to disrespect you.
Just because someone cries, doesn’t mean they are weak.
Just because it pops into your head, doesn’t mean it should come out of your mouth.
Just because you can’t do everything, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do what you can.
Just because someone doesn’t believe in you, doesn’t mean you should stop believing in yourself.
Just because they don’t like your opinion, doesn’t make it wrong.
Just because I choose to forgive, doesn’t mean I condone the behavior or will allow you to remain in my life.
Just because they don’t show their feelings, doesn’t mean they don’t have any.
Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
~Henry Winkler
The Takeaway
Many of our assumptions are based on faulty preconceived notions, stereotypes, and generalizations, yet we believe them to be true and use them as benchmarks and expectations for the way things should be.
Imagine how much richer our lives would be if we challenged our assumptions, took the time to ask questions, tried to understand the reality of how things are, and embrace the potential for what could be.
Related reading:
Will you be the passenger or the driver in your life journey?
About Marquita Herald
Marquita is an author, resilience coach, and founder of Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies, and (especially) a dog named Lucy.
She’s saddened and frustrated by excuses and cruelty and believes authentic compassion is the most powerful force in the world.
To learn more about Marquita and the mission of Emotionally Resilient Living Start Here.
