Mine Your Past to Create a Better Future

There must be a gazillion and one inspirational sayings about the importance of living for tomorrow and putting your past behind you, and to validate that notion I think it’s safe to say that each of us have at least a few episodes (and people) that we would be more than happy to erase from our consciousness for ever more.

On the other hand, your past may well be the single most undervalued and underutilized resource to help you create a better future.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about taking a walk down memory lane for the purpose of beating yourself up for poor choices or to re-open the wounds of past mistakes or regrets, but rather to take this journey from a place of acceptance to get to know yourself better and to identify and embrace the lessons learned from your experiences because – for better or worse – it’s your past goals, choices and actions that have brought you to this particular point in your life.

You are the product of your past and the architect of your future and each day you face a new crossroad. If you want to know your past, look at your present circumstances. If you want to know your future, look at the choices you make today.

Begin Here to Mine Your Past

One of the best ways to undertake this process is by answering focused questions. Following is a sample of questions you use to begin exploring the things, people and events in your past that have influenced you. I’ve included a few additional prompts to help you see how to dig deeper into these areas.

• What has been the happiest time in your life up to now? What were the circumstances? How can you have more of these experiences in the future?
• What is your greatest regret in life so far? Why? Is there a way to re-frame this to create a valuable life lesson?
• How have you handled unexpected changes? Did you become stalled in overwhelm for a time, or were you able to quickly begin looking for solutions and opportunities for growth?
• What have you avoided doing? Why? What would it take for you to take action?
• What have you accomplished so far in your life that you are most proud of? What was it about this experience that made you feel proud? How can you do more of this?
• What is the most important advice you would give to yourself 5 years ago?
• What are the 3 most important decisions you’ve made in the past 5 years. How did you come to make those particular choices? Were you happy with the outcome? What one lesson can you take from these experiences to make better decisions in the future?
• When have you felt the most inspired, motivated and really charged up? What were you doing? What can this experience teach you about what motivates you to do and be your best?
• Do you remember your most important childhood dream for your adult life? Are you living that dream? How does it make you feel when you think of it now?
• What is the biggest risk you’ve taken so far? Was it intentional? How do you feel about having taken the risk – proud, foolish, etc.? What did you learn?
• What was the biggest life change initiated by you in the last 5 years? How did you go about creating the change – was it spontaneous or did you create a plan and goals? Did it fulfill your expectations?
• Who are the 3 people who have had the most profound influence on you so far? What have they taught you about life and yourself? Have you told them what they’ve meant to you?
• Do you regularly set goals? If you don’t, why not? How has that served you? If you do, do you regularly persevere to completion, or give up easily? How do you feel about that?

The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings. ~Ralph Blum

Your Past May Reveal Patterns in Your Relationships

This is also a very effective method to explore specific areas of your life that may need attention, relationships for example. Studying your past relationships can reveal patterns and recurring themes in your life. Maybe you have chosen people who were enablers, co-dependent or abusers, exactly like your father, or the complete opposite of your father. What characteristics do your closest friendships have in common? Are you attracted to looks or status without paying attention to other attributes?

The harsh reality is that if you’ve been in at least three relationships with people who are in some way abusive, dysfunctional or especially needy, it’s not bad luck, karma or because they just happened to find you. Whether you want to believe it or not, it’s because you sought them out and the sooner you recognize this behavior the sooner you can begin to create better relationships in the future.

When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible. ~Tina Lifford

The more we can learn about ourselves and why we do the things we do, the easier it will become for us to make better choices in the future. Can everyone benefit from this exercise? Absolutely, though few will actually take the time to do it. But here’s why you should … have you heard that saying, “If you keep doing the same things you’ve always done, and you’ll keep getting the same things you’ve always gotten.” Bingo!

It is true we should neither live in the past, nor be defined by it, but it would be equally foolish to ignore the opportunity to mine past experiences to learn more about how to create a better future.

Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.

About Marquita Herald

Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.

She’s saddened and frustrated by excuses and cruelty and believes authentic compassion is the most powerful force in the world.

To learn more about Marquita and the mission of Emotionally Resilient Living  click “here“.

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Tags: Choices, Inner Strength, Past, Self Awareness