Kick-Start Guides

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Contrary to what many believe, the struggle to achieve positive results with self-improvement efforts is more complex than finding the right “fix” or mustering sufficient willpower. Sustainable growth requires self-awareness and the willingness to take full responsibility for your attitudes, choices and actions, including those that affect other people. The Resilient Living Kick-Start Guides series is FREE and exclusive to subscribers of Emotionally Resilient Living and designed to help you create a roadmap that will put you firmly in the driver’s seat of your life journey.

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Building Everyday Resilience

Always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Ask anyone you know what resilience means to them and there’s a pretty good chance they will say something about bouncing back from a crisis. So you may be surprised to learn that building your capacity for resilience is as much about prevention as recovery.

On the most basic level, it’s about adaptability, and the ability to effectively manage adverse circumstances and minimize the effects of the stress and strain of life’s challenges. As an added bonus, in recent years researchers have found that resilient people tend to be healthier and live longer, are more successful in school and work, are happier in relationships and are less prone to depression … and whether we realize it or not, we tap into this reserve every single day.

The bottom line is you don’t need to be facing a major life change or crisis to decide you want to become stronger and more resilient, in fact … the reality is once you’re in the middle of a crisis it’s too late to do much of anything other than try to learn from the experience.

While building your capacity for resilience doesn’t mean you’ll never find yourself facing another problem, it does enable you to greatly minimize the stress and strain associated with modern living, and should you find yourself challenged you’ll have the skills and confidence you need to tackle problems head on, knowing that whatever life happens to throw your way … you will be okay. This is the nature and the power of everyday resilience.

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This Life is Yours – OWN it!

When you are in the driver’s seat you determine the direction and can point your life down any road you want to travel. You can go as fast or as slow as you want to go, you can take scenic detours or change the road entirely any at any time.

No matter where we come from or what our life circumstances may be, all humans have an inborn desire to have a sense of control over how we live our own lives.

In fact, whether we’re aware of it or not, much of what creates emotions such as sadness, anger, regret, and disappointment is ultimately about feeling the loss of control. Try to recall various times you’ve been upset about something – the loss of a relationship, a job problem or a health issue – no matter what the source of the problem, chances are the real underlying issue was the frustration you felt about losing control of this area (or individual) in your life.

But here’s the reality … we have far more control than we think, it’s just that it makes things so much easier to blame our circumstances, frustrations and inability to achieve our dreams and goals on external sources.

While there are specific actions you can begin taking immediately to take charge of your life, you’ll find no quick fixes or short cuts in this guide because we’re talking about a lifestyle choice and not everyone will be willing to do the work, but ask yourself this …

How different would your life look, how much richer and more fulfilling would it be, if you were living a life of your own design – a life that truly reflects your deepest wants and needs – rather than a life that has been chosen by fate, circumstances or the whims of others?

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Creating Healthy Personal Boundaries

Boundaries are not about isolating you or controlling others, they are meant to protect you and to be used as guidelines for what is – and is not – acceptable in your life.

Boundaries are the protective guidelines we create in personal and professional relationships that allow us to care for ourselves in a way that fosters confidence, well-being and that sense of self-determination we all long for.

A common misconception about personal boundaries is that they are all about keeping you in and others out when the reality is just the opposite. It may help to think of boundaries as filters allowing the best things and people into your life while keeping stress inducing situations (and people) out. Of course, to be completely fair, it’s very rare that someone might intentionally try to annoy or create stress for you. Others are unlikely to realize the adverse effect their behavior or demands can upon us if we never take the time to tell them how we wish to be treated.

There is also the misguided belief that putting others first by complying with each and every request will somehow prove our worth or win the love and respect we long for. Unfortunately, the end result is often the opposite. Remember – you teach people how to treat you, and if you don’t respect yourself then how can you expect others to?

The healthy boundaries you establish for your body, relationships, belongings, feelings, and beliefs will give you strength and confidence. You make the choices and you direct your growth and the course of your life, so the very process of committing to higher standards opens the door to building the beautiful and fulfilling life you deserve and are here to create. 

Self Reflection

Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding all along.

When was the last time you just stopped – not for a few minutes but a few hours – to consider your life as it is now? Do you have a clear vision of the future you are creating for yourself?

We live in a world where taking time, absolute uninterrupted free time, to simply think is considered by most to be a rare self-indulgence, but self-reflection is an invaluable process that enables you to identify and bring clarity and focus to the direction your choices are taking you. This invaluable self-discovery process enables you to recognize inner roadblocks, fears, and desires, and it is one of the most important things you can do for personal growth.

This invaluable self-discovery process enables you to recognize inner roadblocks and fears, as much as needs and desires, and it is one of the most important things you can do for personal growth.

This kick-start guide provides you with self-reflection basics, how to begin and where to go with what you discover, and as you begin to separate what you’ve always done and who you’ve always been, what you’d like to do and who you’d like to become, challenge yourself to let go of perceived limitations and give yourself free rein to have fun by exploring new ideas and possibilities for the future. Make nothing off limits and you may just amaze yourself!

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Creating Lasting Happiness

Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you.

What does happiness look like for you? The most common answers included such things as chocolate, shopping, the right man/woman, a new car, a better job, more money (winning the lottery is always a favorite), vacation, and a faithful spouse.

Of course it is very tempting to be glib when responding to a question like this in order to avoid feeling foolish or vulnerable, at the same time there is no question that when it comes to the question of what makes us feel good, more often than not our first thoughts turn immediately to external things (including people) or circumstances.

The problem with focusing on external gratification is that it can be taken away from you, and sometimes the effect simply wears off or turns out to be wholly inadequate to bolster sagging spirits when you’ve been blindsided by unexpected change or adversity, and we find ourselves looking for something new in an effort to feel good again.

No one is happy 24/7, it just isn’t possible. What is possible is to build your capacity to experience the happiness that does not rely on external circumstances, that wells deep from within and stays with you through the good times and the bad. In this guide, you’ll learn how to lay the foundation to begin increasing your capacity for sustainable happiness, inner peace, and well-being.

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Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.

About Marquita Herald

Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.

She’s saddened and frustrated by excuses and cruelty and believes authentic compassion is the most powerful force in the world.

To learn more about Marquita and the mission of Emotionally Resilient Living  click “here“.