Do you ever have days where you start to really wonder why you repeatedly find yourself in stressful situations?
A little stress in your life is actually good for you. It fuels your creativity and keeps your immune system alert.
The key word is little.
When you find yourself constantly rushing from activity to activity without a break, it may be time for you to consider that it’s not the external world that is persistently making its way to your doorstep.
There’s a need within you to keep opening the door!
While stressful situations may not always be within our control, there are a couple of reasons why someone might unconsciously look for opportunities to welcome stress into his or her life, and the first is that they may be addicted to the adrenalin rush.
Stress is the trash of modern life — we all generate it but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.
~Terri Guillemets
How We Become Addicted to Stress
Addiction may seem a harsh word to use for simply being busy all the time. However, consider that stress stimulates the production of hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.
Over an extended period of time that surge of hormones can actually become addictive and in order to get that feeling again, you need more stress.
It’s the energy or high that makes you feel like you can do anything, that you can really accomplish something great.
There is a perceived value attached to your ability to handle stress with grace and ease and that becomes your super power and how you define who you are.
You begin to crave those environments in order to feel good about yourself.
Warning signs you may be addicted to stress:
- Moving, eating or walking rapidly and frequently multitasking.
- Hurrying the ends of sentences or talking over others.
- Constantly feeling rushed and impatient.
- Feeling lost when not working and guilty about relaxation.
- Wanting to be in charge of everything.
- Thinking about work while vacationing – or avoiding vacations altogether.
- Bragging about how busy you always are.
- Trying to increase work over ever-shorter time periods.
- Having trouble focusing on conversations.
- You have nervous habits.
Even if you are a classic Type A who absolutely loves the adrenaline rush of multitasking and your personal mantra is “Bring it on!” you will benefit from understanding your motivations for reveling in stress.
One of the most common ways we use stress is to avoid problems or confronting the truth of our reality.
A sure sign that we are being controlled by fear is the constant need to occupy oneself with needless tasks as a means to avoid the issues most needed to effectively develop and grow.
~D. Cunliffe
Using Stress to Avoid the Truth
Often it’s just easier to stay busy, over commit, obsess about work, cleaning or that lengthy task list just to avoid what’s really bothering you.
If you’re trying to avoid or deny the bigger, unpleasant issues in your life, stress can become a safe place.
That stress-induced adrenaline high can provide a sorely needed temporary boost to self-esteem, making you feel needed, in control of situations and even people; when internally you are feeling just the opposite.
After all, if you’re dancing as fast as you can, you don’t have time to think about how truly unhappy you are.
Get to the Root of Your Stress
Short-term techniques for reducing the effects of stress include:
- Exercise
- Meditation
- Mindfulness
- Deep breathing
These techniques will help you achieve some clarity and relief, but without doing the work to uncover the real issue or taking steps to resolve the problem, it’s like slapping a bandage on a cut without ever treating the wound.
To get to the root cause of your stress, begin with an honest assessment of your situation because you have to name the problem before you can begin to solve it.
While there are common themes for the cause of stress, such as money or relationships, sometimes getting to the root of the problem requires a little digging.
For example, you may believe that your jerk-of-a-boss at work is the source of all your headaches and stress with his unrealistic demands, but is he really?
Could it be that the real problem is your lack of control, or deep-seated frustration because you ended up in a job by default and feel trapped?
Possibly there is more than one situation (or person) creating stress for you, but whatever the sources may be, nothing will change until you take responsibility by facing them and resolve to either change the circumstances or make peace with them until you can.
Shift Your Perspective
Becoming more self-aware and learning to change behaviors takes time and practice, but stress does not have to consume your life.
One of the most powerful steps you can take is to shift your perspective from managing stress to stress prevention. Word play? Not at all!
You have the power within you to make intentional choices about the circumstances and people you allow to be a part of your life. If your environment isn’t nourishing you, you can begin right now to change it.
It’s up to you whether you control your stress or let stress control you.
Related reading:
Will you be the passenger or the driver in your life journey?
About Marquita A. Herald
Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.
She’s saddened and frustrated by excuses and cruelty and believes authentic compassion is the most powerful force in the world.
To learn more about Marquita and the mission of Emotionally Resilient Living Start Here.
Hi Marquita,
Thank you so much for this great article. From personal experience, stress starts getting obvious when I start multitasking. Reading my e-mails while eating. Working out while cleaning the house. Simple tasks that seem “fine” but they are not. The moment I become aware of my actions, then I question myself “What stressed you out today?”.
Before we try to get rid of stress, we need to find its root and what we can do about it. I believe that realizing what causes our stress levels to go high is finding what caused it. So it is when we should try to meditate, connect to the nature or do anything that pleases us and take the stress away.
Zaria
Psychic Nest recently posted…How to Survive Being an Empath
Oh yes, you definitely have the stress thing wired Kimba. And, just to add to that, I have on my calendar to contact you on May 1st to see if you managed to fit in that special dress for you Hubs retirement party. 🙂
Ah yes, Superwoman Syndrome … I don’t know many women who haven’t been there, myself included. It’s good that you recognize your avoidance behavior Joyce, now if you can just work a little on the willpower and make yourself sit down to write you’ll make some progress on overcoming the stress. Best of luck and thanks for stopping by!
Did all those stressful things when I was younger. Because, of course, I was superwoman. Now, when I get stressed about writing a blog post, I distract myself with house cleaning. I get a lot of house cleaning done when I’m stressed like that, no so much when I’m on a writing role.
Joyce Hansen recently posted…Do you need an elevator pitch for your brain?
Oh wow Marty, your warning signs that someone might be addicted to stress, I’ve got, like, all of them! Especially the multi-tasking issues. However, I have added a mid-day break onto my calendar (yep – it’s marked out as unavailable!) for a long walk to decompress and disconnect. Right now, I’m taking that walk with my i-phone in my pocket. When I can leave the phone behind, I’ll know I’ve really started to deal with my stress addiction.
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Welcome Johan and thank you for sharing your very thoughtful insights – well said! I’m delighted you found your way here and hope you like what you read as you browse the site. 🙂
Marquita, thank you for an informative and well written article.
I believe stress is a result of the way we think about “stuff”. It is not work that stresses us or long hours, but rather e.g. time away from family, obnoxious or difficult co-workers or the fact that I am working in an environment or field that is not in line with my blueprint of happiness, and so I “blame” work or an event for my stress. We are tagging the wrong thing as our enemy. Our minds, filled with negativity and then off course, ego shouting out that we are not enough, have to little, need more, more and more, all work together to add to our levels of stress. With this in mind and the useful info in your article, it is possible to “plan” and work stress out of our lives to a big extent.
I am looking forward to reading some of your other articles.
Yes I do think many people are addicted to living stressfully and can’t unwind or can’t learn to live a little slower. But if we don’t it does have far reaching effects on our health such as on our heart and blood pressure. My mum just had to wear a blood pressure machine and was surprised at how high it was even throughout a weekend so she realised what she was doing to herself and gradually started cutting back her working hours to be able to unwind a bit more.
Oh, I’m a big fan of systems. 🙂 The funny thing is my next post is on the topic of control and how our perceived lack of control (powerlessness) creates stress. Fascinating topic. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Glad you found value in the article, and the techniques you mentioned sound fascinating. As I referenced at the end of the article I’ll be talking about stress all month and I’ve intentionally selected topics meant to encourage readers to dig a little deeper than the usual obvious causes of stress since I absolutely agree with your point about the power of our beliefs to affect pretty much everything in our lives. Thanks for sharing and contributing to the conversation!
Oh darn, well if busting your bubble will help in the long run then I’m glad the information helped Roslyn. Thanks or sharing and contributing to the conversation.
You know what Erica, there are people who will swear that they thrive on stress. We actually have a mutual friend who feels that way. The thing is I believe there is a BIG difference between stress and the adrenaline rush that comes from doing work you truly enjoy. To know the difference requires a pretty healthy level of self-awareness, but I think it is definitely worth the effort. Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the conversation!
Sounds like you are definitely on the right track Millen. I think it’s normal to be driven when you’re building a business, but as you’ve discovered, there needs to be a balance and creating that is entirely up to us. This is actually a subject I’ll be exploring next week so I hope you’ll stop back and check it out. Thanks!
I hear you Diane and couldn’t agree more! I work hard, but it’s fun and fulfilling … SO much different than working for someone else, isn’t it? I know entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone, but it certainly has been a blessing for me, and it sounds the same way for you. Thanks for taking the time to share. 🙂
Marquita, your in-depth view on stress and how to master it is greatly appreciated. Underlying our symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression are usually our beliefs. Our beliefs are often only in our subconscious mind and do require in-depth work to identify them. When other techniques are not fast, or powerful enough, there is a great technique that many therapists are trained in, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) that can be quite rapid in identifying and restructuring limiting beliefs.
Congratulations Sue! I know this past year was a challenge for you with so many changes, but it sounds like not only has life settled down but you learned a lot in the process. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights, always appreciated! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to let me know you enjoyed the article Sarit. 🙂
This is wonderful, Marquita! I too am looking at stress more closely this month. I notice that determining what systems aren’t working and streamlining them helps me control stress. When I do it every few months, it really does help me control the stress. =) Thanks for sharing.
You just bust my bubble. I like to think I only have a little bit of stress, but my honest responses to your list of warning signs told me otherwise. I’ve lived a very full life & liken myself to Wonder Woman who can expand her plate to take on more & do it all calmly. Well, Wonder Woman has to retire cause at 76 she deserves some R & R.
I do love what I do each day, creating, blogging, talking thru comments, growing my fans, etc however I see it is time for some time management assessment. Thanks for my wake-up call.
Some great ideas to deal with stress. We don’t give enough attention to the damaging effects of stress and steps we can take to alleviate it. I don’t think people actually enjoy being stressed, but it can become a pattern that is hard to break. I can definitely feel my share of stress, and I’ve been actively working to make positive steps to alleviate it.
Erica recently posted…The 7-Day (Skinny & Sexy) No Sugar Challenge
Love your scrupulous look at stress as an addiction and the wonderful quotations. It is so true that chronic stress is polluting our lives, our emotional and physical bodies! And ironically, the idea that I can be addicted to stress didn’t occur to me up until now… When I left all the stresses of corporate world behind and entered entrepreneurial world, so to speak, I thought I could handle the amount of stress it required with ease since I am my own boss now. Well, it didn’t turn out that way – building and running a successful company can be VERY stressful! But the irony is that once I did built a successful company and the stress level went down, I felt that I need to build another business… which, like any business, assumes having more stress. Yes, I want to live on purpose and do the meaningful work but there must be deeper roots for ‘needing’ to be on the go all the time, for having multiple projects at once, for not allowing yourself to take time off even though it is totally my call! LOL Thank you for a moment of personal introspection, Marquita.
I’m getting so much better at living a balanced and not-so-stressed life. When I read the warning signs I was happy to realize that many of them no longer control my reality as they used to.
Here’s the one that’s my biggest challenge these days: “Feeling lost when not working and guilty about relaxation.”
I still have some serious discomfort when it comes to walking away from the computer and walking into some unstructured time. It’s still an ungraceful transition for me — but I’m getting So.Much.Better!
Sue Kearney recently posted…Exquisite self-care for your business (yup, starts with you)
Very good post. I agree that awareness is the key and that it’s easy to get caught up in the busy lifestyle.
You described me when I was in the corporate world – I was so “busy” and stressed that everything had to line up just right to get through the day. It took being laid off for me to slow down and understand what was really underneath and see the problems with my life. I’m much freer and happier now being self employed. Now the good adrenaline – without the stress – is welcome.
Diane Topkis recently posted…Learn the Positive Side of Negative Emotions
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject Jeri. No question about it, we Americans are workaholics … I know I am, and have no intention of changing as long as I’m having fun. As a matter of fact, your comment made me think of a favorite quote on this subject, “Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. working hard for something we love is called passion.” I looked it up because I assumed it must have come from an American, but nope, it’s from Simon Sinek who happens to be of all things, a Brit! But seriously, I’ve written here about the value of self-care so obviously I believe in it. Thanks again for contributing to the conversation!
One of the main reasons I don’t want to return to teaching in public schools because it’s quite stressful. It irks me how people treat downtime like it’s a weakness, but we need downtime to be at our best productivity. Stress in the right amount fires us up to do better, but feeling overly stressed out shouldn’t be the norm. Americans need to stop being such workaholics, but change is hard when most of a culture thinks it thrives in it. I also agree that the constant demands on attention from SmartPhones and social media plays into how much stress we expose ourselves to.
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Technology is clearly a blessing and a curse. I don’t have hard evidence either (although I may see what I can find) Ken, but I definitely agree with you in terms of the added stress. For years I was on call 24/7 with my work and knowing that people would call me at all hours of the day and night for the smallest thing, which is why when I started writing full time the first thing I did was turn off my phone. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
I wonder how much more likely we are to generate stress because we are always or nearly always connected. You can reach for your phone at any time and find a problem, whether its a mini-crisis at work when you should be home relaxing or maybe just something you forgot to do. I don’t really have any evidence that people are more stressed than they used to be but I think it’s a pretty good bet that technology has generated more stress than it has alleviated.
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I’m glad you enjoyed the post Donna, and I met many women like your mother when I was coaching. I can’t help but wonder if at least a part of it is a generational thing, but what’s important is that she does seem to be growing in the right direction, no doubt thanks to your influence. 🙂 Thanks for sharing Donna!
Oh yes, the whole area of clutter, organizing and just feeling comfortable with our environment is an important element of stress management. You always provide such great ideas, I’m looking forward to reading more!
Good for you Dana! Sounds like you’re doing the work to make self-care an important part of your life and that will really benefit you in so many ways in time. Women in particular, are challenged in this area, but as natural ‘caretakers’ it is vital to our emotional and physical health. Thanks for sharing and contributing to the conversation. 🙂
Glad you enjoyed the article Kristina, and you are absolutely right about the importance of emotional mastery, in fact that is an area I’ll be covering a little later in the month. Thanks for sharing and contributing to the conversation!
Yes, we do Lenie, and your career experience sounds all too familiar. As an “unapologetic” workaholic I definitely do not go with the flow, but taking breaks, spending time in the fresh air and enjoying the process, all help to keep me from going over the top like I used to when I sat in an office. Thanks so much for sharing!
Great point Jeannette! That busy work thing is a common problem, and one many people use as an avoidance technique. In all fairness, it really can be easy to fall into that trap if we’re not focused on a goal or specific desired outcome in our lives. In fact, this behavior is pretty much the hallmark of living life by default. Thanks for sharing and contributing to the conversation. 🙂
Yep, that fast walking thing can be a problem. I’ve taken a couple of tumbles myself that way. So glad you found value in the post Doreen!
You’ve made an excellent point about the effects other people can have on us, which is one of the topics I’ve planned to include in the series. I know for me just being around someone who is very negative is so stressful that I can feel the muscles in my neck and shoulders bunching up, and there are many other examples that we all experience. Thanks for sharing Dave, always appreciated.
Don’t be embarrassed Phoenicia, but I do hope you’ll continue to give some thought to why so many things cause you to experience stress. For example, your comment “I am not where I wish to be so I constantly push myself believing my ‘big break’ is just around the corner.” The stress comes from being focused on the desired potential future you’ve built up in your mind. If you have a clear vision of where you want to be, and a solid plan in place to get you there, then you might try building in specific milestones to shoot for to help you focus more on the present and enjoy small successes along the way as validation that you are making progress. Thanks for taking the time to share and contribute to the conversation!
I’m glad you enjoyed the article Mark! Regarding Terri’s quotation, you know how I love quotes and have collected them for years. I created a PDF eBook just for me that probably has a couple of thousand quotations and every time I come across something that resonates with me I add it to the book. So whenever I write a new post I have a pretty good archive to pull from. Stress is a topic every person on the planet can relate to so hopefully the areas I’ve chosen to write about this month will provide some valuable tips and insights. Thanks for sharing, always appreciated!
I hear you Rose, especially about Sunday nights, and I’ve been there myself! I’ve always been driven but my last job in the corporate world nearly killed me. For all the bad stuff, it was also provided a tremendous learning curve so when I finally walked away from it I was so much clearer about who I was and who I wanted to become. It sounds like you had a similar experience. Thanks so much for sharing and contributing to the conversation. 🙂
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article Ramona. For better or worse, it does seem that it often takes a wake-up call before we realize we need to make some changes. I especially like your reference to the “becoming” process as continual because that is so true. There’s a great quote by Carrie Fisher that goes, “There’s no point at which you can say, well I’m a success now I think I’ll take a nap.” and I think that pretty much applies to life in general. Thanks so much for contributing to the conversation!
Hi Marquita,
You have just described my mother. She has all the symptoms all her life and I know it comes from her low self esteem. Growing up wasn’t a party, but now I can take care of her. Her stressful lifestyle even affected her health. She has asthma and congestive heart failure.
Although she won’t ever go to the root of her problem…believe me I tried to get her professional help….but she started going to Yoga classes. Finally…in her 80’s she is slowing down, understanding herself better and being mindful of her behavior. She is much healthier now in mind/body/spirit.
Thanks for another wonderful post.
-Donna
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This is wonderful, Marquita! I too am looking at stress more closely this month. I notice that determining what systems aren’t working and streamlining them helps me control stress. When I do it every few months, it really does help me control the stress. =) Thanks for sharing.
Sabrina Quairoli recently posted…Tequila Rosemary Grilled Chicken Thighs with Parmesan Zucchini Wedges and Sweet Potato
I definitely feel guilty about relaxing and have been trying to get better about taking a full day off with no regrets. I’ve realized that being on the go all the time is actually counter productive and that taking time to let your body and your mind recharge makes you more creative, more productive, and happier during the week. I’ve picked Sundays as my day off and I have gotten much better at turning down requests for anything but fun, relaxing activities on that day. It’s definitely hard on those weeks when things feel like they are piling up, but I just tell myself they’ll still be there tomorrow! Thanks for the great tips. I’m looking forward to reading your tips on stress over the next few weeks. It’s one of my ongoing struggles.
Dana Lynn Thompson recently posted…One simple way to help your body deal with stress
Marquita, thank you for the post. It is really good and straight to the point.
Indeed, it is so easy today to get stressed about everything that is going on. I think that combining proper planning and adaptability to changes is a key to avoid stress. Also, the concept that makes your life easier and in my opinion, everyone has to develop is emotional intelligence – the ability to manage your emotions and use it in the most effective and helpful way. One more time, thanks.
Kristina Rylova recently posted…Diving into LinkedIn
Marquita, we do allow stress to take over our lives from time to time, don’t w? I know when I was working – at a job I thought I loved – I was busy all the time. It was only after I became sick and started looking back that I realized I didn’t love it so much after all – there was just too much to do and I was always available to do it. However, it did make me feel important and indispensable, whether that counts for something I’m not sure.
Now I am more likely to ‘go with the flow’ although I still have my ‘must do this and that’ moments (probably more than I should).
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Hi Marty and thx for this post. I realized that stress was getting the best of me last year when I tripped on the stairs coming down from my office. I just wasn’t in the ‘now’ and was thinking of too many things as I was making my way down the stairs. That mistake caused me a sprained ankle, and taught me to just slow down.
Marquita — your post is right on target. I like to say about people who are always busy, “don’t mistake motion for progress.” That is, we can be busy but the work isn’t advancing our project or agenda. It’s easy to get caught up in “busy work.” It makes you feel like you’re accomplishing something when in reality you may be putting off doing what will really help you, as you point out in your post. Not being perfect, I can relate to that.
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I wouldn’t say that I’m addicted to stress, but I would say I binge on it from time to time. However, mostly that is out of necessity based upon the situations I know are arriving in my life. So, I guess you could say that I am prepared for those periods of frenetic activity and chaos.
I totally agree with you that awareness is key, both while the stress is occurring as well as before you know it may be occurring (based upon situation that you know are going to arise in the near future).
I have a feeling that these next several posts are not only going to help me, but they’re also going to help me help others around me – which when I think about it, will also help me if I’m reducing the amount of stress inside me as well as that which is surrounding me!
Well done, Marty. I look forward to the remainder of the articles this month 🙂
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I am embarrassed to state that I meet seven of these points. Perhaps I thrive on stress but did not really know this until now.
There just never seems to be enough hours in the day to do all I have planned. This proves I try to accommodate too many tasks in one day.
I become stressed when I ponder on where I should ideally be in life, in terms of career, where I live, where I holiday. I am not where I wish to be so I constantly push myself believing my “big break” is just around the corner.
Thank you for sharing this. It has given me the opportunity to reflect on my behaviour and the underlying reasons.
Phoenicia recently posted…Dealing with the mundane tasks in life
I love the way you put things M!
Isn’t it funny how, even something as harmful as stress, in smaller more controlled and purposeful doses, actually offer some benefits!LOL!
Who knew? Yet, if we’re not careful,should it become, as you point out, a way of life, the long term consequences are not too good.
BTW, where did you originally come across that fabulous quote by Terri Guillemets?
Because it definitely sheds some light!LOL!And thank you so much, for making me aware that April is “National Stress Awareness” month!
Because I clearly had no idea!LOL! Thanks for sharing another extremely solid, information packed post!
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Eloquence aside, I say: Ugh. You are so describing the stress-filled life I used to live during my last corporate job.
It’s hard to look back now and know what I could have better controlled and alleviated from my work day that would have lessened the stress. Sunday nights were the worst, just thinking about it all starting over again Monday morning.
Thanks for helping keep me aware that a certain amount of stress is self-induced and can be contained.
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Marquita, I love the closure you’ve created for your blogs: “Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.” For that to happen, everything you’ve written here about stress is especially important. After all, who wants an accident or an illness to be forced to slow down and/or stop the craziness?
I was forced to stop the craziness several years ago after a car accident that ruled out everything but rehabilitation. (Still, good ole me stressed about that! But then I wasn’t at home or at work facing all the issues both those places provide.) Accidents and illnesses, for as unpleasant as they can be, provide time for thinking and being with oneself. It was during my recovery that who I was meant to become came clear to me. I’ve become “it,” in a manner of speaking, and the “becoming” process will go on and on. I just need to heed the stress reminders you write about here as I still have a habit of getting wound up and too busy. Thank you.
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