Emotional Self-Care is caring for your emotional needs by identifying and nurturing your feelings, your conscious inner state, and your intellect.
Our emotions are the most present, vital, and sometimes painful force in our lives. They trigger feelings and create thoughts that play a powerful role in our behavior and how we experience and interact with the world.
Isn’t it a bit ironic then, considering the influential role they play in our lives, that so many of us tend to have an adversarial relationship with our emotions?
To be fair, at an early age we’re deeply imprinted with the notion that some emotions are bad while others are good. We’re rewarded for displaying the “good” emotions, and quickly learn the downside of exhibiting the “bad” ones.
Unfortunately, this means that we never learn how to fully appreciate or handle our emotions. Instead, we seek to control them or void exposing our vulnerabilities by hiding them.
Show no emotion; feel no pain.
How Emotional Self-Care Supports Your Wellbeing
Our emotional and physical health is undeniably linked. Whether we’re happy or sad, our bodies respond physically to the way we think, feel, and act.
Practicing emotional self-care is about becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
It’s learning healthy ways to cope with the stress and problems that are a normal part of life, cultivating healthy relationships, and feeling good about yourself.
Of course, life being the grand adventure that it is, there will always be relationship challenges, unexpected detours, and change, lots of change.
How we respond to these trials affects our health, sense of wellbeing, and overall life satisfaction.
Did You Know
• Short bouts of stress can boost immunity and raise levels of cancer-fighting molecules. However, long-lasting or chronic stress leaves you in a fight-or-flight state raising the risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes.
• A long-term study in Michigan found that women who suppressed their anger in confrontations had twice the risk of dying from conditions such as heart attack, stroke, or cancer.
• On the other hand, a 30-minute argument with your partner can cause surges in blood pressure, raising the risk of heart attack, and slowing your body’s ability to heal by at least a day. If you argue regularly, that healing time is doubled.
• And, it’s not just angry outbursts that cause blood pressure to rise. Researchers have found that every time their subjects recalled an argument or unpleasant situation, their stress levels soared.
• On the good news end of the scale, feelings of gratitude boost immunity, lower blood pressure, and speed healing.
How you feel can affect your ability to carry out everyday activities, your relationships, and your overall mental and physical health.
You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a ‘negative person’. It makes you human.
~Lori Deschene
The Practice of Emotional Self-Care
Authentic self-care is much more than treating yourself to a massage or a bubble bath, it is in every way that matters a lifestyle choice.
The first and arguably most important step is to begin paying attention to your feelings, your body, and especially to the way you talk to yourself.
You’re the only person who actually knows what is going on in your own head and you need to try and remember that no matter what, your feelings and emotions are valid.
Here are fifteen ways to begin incorporating emotional self-care into your daily life:
- Make time during the day to calm your mind and body and just be in the moment.
- Protect your energy by learning to say “no.”
- Admit it when your feelings are hurt and give yourself time to heal.
- Accept that it really is normal to be sad, angry, or frustrated sometimes.
- Create healthy personal boundaries and encourage others to do the same.
- Nurture meaningful relationships, and build a personal support system.
- Learn healthy ways to cope with stress and boost resilience.
- Give yourself the grace to try again when moments don’t go as planned.
- Say yes more often to yourself and your needs.
- Become aware of the way you talk to and about yourself.
- Identify your emotional triggers and learn how to respond in a healthy way.
- Develop the habit of journaling, to build self-awareness, reduce stress, promote healing, and foster personal growth.
- Take care of your physical and nutritional health.
- Make time to play.
- Resign as general manager of the Universe and let others be responsible for their own actions.
It’s Okay to Admit You’re Not Okay
One of the most valuable elements of emotional self-care is getting to the point where you accept that it is okay to admit when you’re not okay.
Everyone has rough patches and bad days; days where you feel like you’ve failed and days you don’t feel good enough for anything.
It’s okay to cry and feel sad when you’re feeling overwhelmed and upset or to admit you need help or feel alone. But it’s neither okay nor healthy to bury your emotions or beat yourself up for not being strong enough.
We all need emotional support from time to time. Learning to understand and accept your feelings and emotions as valid will enable you to make better decisions, and effectively manage stress and life’s challenges.
Emotions don’t make you weak they make you vulnerable, but ultimately they will make you stronger.
Related reading:
- Nurture Mind, Body and Spirit with Periods of Solitude
- What it Really Means to Commit to Self-Care
- Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid: TED Talk
Will you be the passenger or the driver in your life journey?
About Marquita Herald
Marquita is an author, resilience coach, founder and chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.
She’s saddened and frustrated by excuses and cruelty and believes authentic compassion is the most powerful force in the world.
To learn more about Marquita and the mission of Emotionally Resilient Living Start Here.
